Randall and Sharon's Story

My name is Randall Bay and I am a heart failure survivor.  Sharon Kneis is my caregiver. 

Our story starts almost from birth.  We started our lives at opposite ends of North 8th Street in Hawthorne, NJ.  When we started kindergarten, Sharon walked up nine blocks on Westervelt Avenue, and I walked up nine blocks on Mohawk Avenue.  In 1967, we graduated from Washington Elementary School and went on to four years in Hawthorne High School, graduating in 1971.  Then our lives took different paths.  I went into the military service and Sharon became a teacher in our hometown.  We both married and led separate lives and never saw each other for thirty years.

In 2001, I read in the obituary section of the newspaper that Sharon’s father had passed away.  Her father had been my baseball coach and so I decided to go to the wake and there we learned that we were both divorced.  I went out to dinner with my mother, brother, and sister and told them about our meeting.  They all encouraged me to ask her out and so I did.

I think it only took two dates to realize that we just needed to make sure our kids were ok with it.  Sharon’s son was already an adult and when Sharon asked him what he thought about me, his response was, “What’s not to like, he does all of my chores!”  My kids were younger.  My daughter was eleven and my son was eight.  The first time we went out to dinner together, I thought that I would be a good dad and ordered them milk with their dinner, but when I went to the men’s room, Sharon had the waitress change that to virgin pina coladas so that started them liking her.  Then after dinner the kids challenged us to play against each other in a basketball game.  Sharon won and that sealed the deal.  She continued to win them over with weekend trips. 

One day in the winter of 2005, after being an active couple for four years, while at the post office, I passed out and ended up in the hospital needing a pacemaker/ defibrillator.  It seems that I was in heart failure and needed help keeping my heart pumping accurately.  Sharon was with me each step of the way.  In 2018, I needed more help and ended up in New York Presbyterian hospital needing an LVAD.  It seemed that the left side of my heart was no longer beating correctly and supplying blood to the necessary areas of my body.  I was short of breath after climbing the stairs to my apartment.  I tried to hide this from Sharon by quickly going into my bedroom without talking to her.   Again, Sharon was there for me, only this time it took over three months for me to get released from the hospital.  Sharon came in almost every day and that was quite expensive.  The reason she didn’t come in everyday was she spent every Tuesday with my mom in her nursing home and every Thursday taking care of herself.  Sharon attends every hospital visit with me and knows every one of my doctors, therapists, and nurses by name and they keep telling me that “she is a keeper!”  

Two years ago, I was again rushed to New York Presbyterian hospital with a life-threatening leak in my intestines and went thru colostomy surgery.  Again, I needed a home health aide, and Sharon volunteered for the job.  She changed my bag and learned how to inject my meds intravenously into a pic line in my arm.  She was also there, when after six months, the surgery was reversed.

We are still together.  I have had the LVAD for almost eight years now and we are living happily ever after.   We will continue to travel to Georgia to visit my daughter and two grandchildren as often as we can and visit my cousins every other year in Colorado.  We are hoping to spend many more years together.

Randall Bay

Hello!  My name is Sharon Kneis and I am the caregiver for my boyfriend, Randy Bay.  If you read Randall Bay’s survivor story above you heard about us meeting in kindergarten, graduating from high school together, and going our separate ways for 30 years.  I guess I should start off by thanking his mom, brother, and sister for telling him to ask me out.  Unfortunately, all three of them are no longer with us but I am sure that they are smiling down on us from above!  

Our journey together started on March 16, 2001.  Randy’s health was fine at this time.  Four years later, our journey started on a different path.  In the winter of 2005, he needed a pacemaker/defibrillator.  Dr. Abbate from Valley Hospital in Ridgewood, NJ, started the process of saving his life.  She was the one who told us he needed more than she could do for him and sent us to Dr. Garan at NY Presbyterian hospital in NYC. I also want to thank some of the amazing people who have been a huge part of this journey with us in not only saving Randall’s life but also helping us manage this new life with LVAD. Dr. Naka, the surgeon was amazing.  Marissa, the physical therapist was terrific and gave me ideas on how to help him improve at home.  Shira, the social worker, who ended up being a friend, should be thanked for everything she helped me through and still does to this day.  I am extremely thankful for the LVAD team for their guidance.  Dr. Axsom, our cardiologist now since Dr. Garan moved to Boston, is doing a terrific job overseeing Randy’s progress and helping us moving forward. We would not be where we are today, living our best life with the LVAD, if it was not for these people. 

The journey has had many ups and downs, but I wouldn’t change a thing because we still have many years to celebrate together.   It has been hard sometimes, though.  Summers are not the same since Randy can’t be in the sun due to the medications. He can’t go in the water or take showers due to the LVAD.  I was lucky to find a product called “Scrubzz” that handled the showering part, and he is capable of taking care of himself hygiene wise.  I have become very proficient at changing his driveline dressing, making sure no infection happens.  We manage most days well. And yes, some days I lose it and yell at him for little or no reason, but he takes it in stride knowing that I am just frustrated. We know these frustrations are part of being a caregiver to a person with chronic illness. 

Randy does tire easily but again we have learned to go places where we can take a seat before starting out again.  Boardwalks have benches as do parks and malls.  As we age, these have become necessities (we are 71 years old).  I usually forget I am a caregiver when things are going smoothly, which is most of the time.  Randy realizes how much he needs me for helping to keep him healthy.  I have engaged my son in planning and cooking healthy meals for us and it seems to be working!  One less problem for me to solve.

Caregiving isn’t for everyone, but I would recommend it if it helps the life of a loved one.  We have learned to take it one day at a time and hopefully this will go one for many more years.  

Sharon Kneis